At Full Speed

I've been very busy lately. And I guess you can say that I'm busy with fun things. But part of me thinks I'm taking on too much. I'm trying to pick up too many things, biting off more than I can chew. Maybe it's just this innate sense of restlessness. Maybe it's to distract myself. I'm probably making myself busy because I'm scared to really sit down and reflect... scared of what I'll find out.

Whatever the cause, I have a feeling I'll be burning out pretty soon. How else can you sustain morning prayer, church, family, work, studying, dancing, guitar, snowboarding, relationships with friends, AND a relationship with God?

It's like when you get yourself in a big mess. In hindsight, you can see all the signs/actions/decision that led up to it. But it makes sense because you're looking back. I almost feel as though I've stepped back from my own life, and I'm watching myself make these actions/decisions that will get me into that future big mess. It's clear to me, although it's not hindsight and I'm in the moment. And yet, I can't seem to stop myself. It's as if I want myself to go through it so I'll be broken. So that I'll learn... to be content... with Him alone.